Craving Attention?

Our performance at Gen Con on Saturday went well, although the audience was a bit quieter than in previous years. I’ve decided that I won’t do this gig again. The other troupe members attend the conference for all four days and dance in busking fashion at various spots in the venue. For the past two years, I have only participated in the Saturday performance. I drive from Bloomington to Indianapolis that morning and return after the performance. It’s a lot of trouble for twenty minutes of dancing. Plus, over the past few years, I just haven’t gotten much of a kick out of performing. I want to keep dancing, but my desire to dance in front of people has diminished over the years. I may have outgrown the need I used to have to be the center of attention.

Is it true that I no longer crave the attention of others? No, I don’t think so. I wouldn’t be blogging, and posting to Instagram if I didn’t want to be viewed favorably by others. It wouldn’t matter to me if my posts got no views and no “likes.” Honestly, it does matter a little.

I’ve been listening to a podcast called SPONTANEANATION WITH PAUL F. TOMPKINS. In the podcast, the aforementioned Tompkins performs a monolog and then interviews the show’s guest. The guest is asked to come up with a location for an improvised narrative sketch to be performed by the assembled group of improvisers. Some sketches are funnier than others, but to me, the show is always entertaining. I love doing acting improv. That’s the kind of performing I would love to do at this point in my life. I don’t see that opportunity coming along any time soon. If it did, I’m sure it would be too time-consuming an activity. When would I write and make art? When would I exercise to stave off the MS symptoms?

Speaking of MS symptoms, I found that despite the fact that my legs have been doing really well, I had trouble on Saturday because the stress of the performance caused some spasticity. It wasn’t terrible, but it was disappointing that my effort to get really hydrated that morning didn’t pay off as much as I had hoped. That’s another reason performing isn’t fun. I just never know quite what to expect from my body. Maybe the answer there is better stress management strategies.

That’s the size of it. I’ll talk about audiobooks and digital humanities in my next post.

Illustration of woman on stage 

 

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